Changing Consultants

Well my lovely bloglets.

I have been asked to write this for Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research as I don't think that many people change consultants, so here is my story.

Changing consultants.  I'm not going to lie, I didn't think or know this was possible.  Until it happened to me. 

I started seeing my old consultant, let’s call them consultant 1 at my hospital in London which is now my full time hospital by chance.  This is because I was diagnosed at Uni in Edinburgh but didn't live there full time, and my Consultant there, let’s call them Edinburgh Consultant, knew Consultant 1 and checked with me that I didn't mind travelling in from near Hungerford to London for check-ups during uni holidays which I didn't.  I would much rather travel and be at a centre of excellence than at Swindon, which was the alternative.  Because of this I actually go to a hospital that isn't the correct one for my post code, but never mind, this is straying from the point.

I was under the care or as I now see it ‘care’ from Consultant 1 from Spring 2007 until Spring (ish I think) 2013.  This is not a post to rant about how I now feel about Consultant 1, I have done that before in no doubt multiple blog posts, so don’t really need to do it again.  And also, the change between Edinburgh Consultant and Consultant 1 was such a relief that it took a few years for these feelings to emerge. 

I had felt for a while that Consultant 1 wasn't really listening to me and I felt a bit like I had my head patted at the end of each consultation and sent on my way with nothing actually being listened to.  I had for a while had the promise of a trial that could mean coming off treatment which is what I want.  Fatigue and depression were getting worse and worse no doubt linked to increased stress at uni with my insane degree (I have recently qualified as a Naturopathic Physician).  I went to my check up where I had been promised that I would be told about the trial and Consultant 1 wasn't there.  I was called in by a consultant I recognised but didn't know and said I would like to see Consultant 1 and was told they were not there.  I went into new consultant’s room, let’s call them Consultant 2 and went mental.  Screaming, crying, swearing, the works.  I'm sure the waiting room heard every single word.  My father happened to be with me for that consultation and got me to calm down. Basically I had had enough and Consultant 2 got the brunt of it.  Now, this is where it got interesting.  Consultant 2 LISTENED to me and changed my drug dosage.  Immediately. To see if things got better and told me to go back in 6 weeks.  I couldn't believe it.  I WAS FINALLY LISTENED TO AFTER 6 AND A HALF YEARS OF TREATMENT!!!  And from then on, when I went back to the hospital I booked in with reception with Consultant 2 and I essentially changed my consultant without asking.  I did it.  Patient power. 

Unfortunately since this change in consultants, Consultant 2 has left the hospital which I found rather upsetting as I had finally started to be listened to and positive changes made with my treatment, for me to try and conquer the fatigue and depression, which were side effects of the drugs.  Joy.  I asked Consultant 2 who I should see who was on the same page as them in terms of treating ME as a person and LISTENING and BELIEVING ME and not just prescribing me ant-depressants and they suggested Consultant 3.  Consultant 2 also took me off the drugs to see if it really was the drugs or me.  It was the drugs.

So Consultant 3.  I don’t actually have enough time to get across how much I love them.  They have WITH ME discussed treatment options and changed my drugs to see if another are any better.  They have also played about with the dosage to see if it’s any more manageable.  Consultant 1 did hijack me recently and wouldn't let me see Consultant 3.  I was livid.  Consultant 3 PHONED ME that evening to apologise and I now go to a clinic on a different day so this can’t happen again.  Consultant 3 listens and communicates and emails and listens.  By the way, they listen.  I can’t tell you how this feels.  I am no longer banging my head against a brick wall.  Oh, and another thing.  I am INVOLVED in my treatment decisions.  Amazing.

So, if you are unhappy with your consultant there may be options, maybe you don’t have to see them.  It took me 6 and a half years to realise this.  You have a choice.  It can be scary and you have to be brave, but you can do it.  Don’t leave it until you explode screaming and crying hysterically in your appointment.  Speak to your CNS (Clinical Nurse Specialist) if you have one or another nurse in the clinic.  They can help guide you.  There is choice available as far as I know.  Don’t be unhappy.  Remember YOU know what it’s like to have cancer and how YOU feel on the treatment.  The consultant probably doesn't.  And remember, if you need a bit of support to speak out, take someone with you. I don’t know if I would have been quite so explosive if my father hadn't been there.  And the change that has happened for the good since that appointment has been phenomenal.

With love and hope,

XXX

A Plea for Peer Review

I will be putting this blog post in as many places as possible in terms of social media, and I also ask, if you agree with what I say to send it to anyone and everyone who may be interested.  I rarely, if ever, ask for my blog posts to be re-tweeted/shared etc, but today, I ask that you do.

Not all you may know this.  I am in fact a cancer patient and have been for just over a quarter of my life.  I was diagnosed with a chronic form of leukaemia (Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia) on the 19^th January 2007 whilst studying at Edinburgh.  Not what I was expecting after a trip to the doctors and a subsequent blood test.  I have, since moving to London in January 2009 and discovering and getting involved with the Teenage Cancer Trust, become a very active patient voice.  I speak for Macmillan, blog for and generally get involved with Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research and also London Cancer.  Since coming into Contact with London Cancer I have sat as a patient voice on an expert chemotherapy reference group as well as a variety of other focus groups, and I am on the steering and scientific committee for a research trial that will hopefully start at the beginning of 2015 involving University College London Hospital, The Royal London Hospital For Integrated Medicine and Macmillan.  I have also been to parliament to talk to MPs about cancer care in the NHS and both blog with the written word and videos.  I’m not going to lie, some of this I do for me, but a lot I do for others.

Living in the NHS for so long and experiencing both how patient should never be treated as well as (now) having excellent care means I can talk about the good and the bad.  I have experienced what many never have at my age for example making decisions about my fertility at 22.  I live with old man’s cancer, an invisible disease that I carry around with no signs as I have always been treated with a pill form of chemotherapy that I take daily, so have always had my hair etc.  However, this is not about me and my story, you can access that in elsewhere.  This is about something that I woke up to this morning.

A few years ago I was invited by the Teenage Cancer Trust to train as a Peer Reviewer, and agreed immediately.  I am very proud to be a Peer Reviewer as it means that I have a direct impact in how others are treated.  I specifically Peer Review Teenage and Young Adult (TYA) cancer wards set up by the Teenage Cancer Trust because of my experience of being a TYA. This means that I read through documentation prior to the visit and when there, alongside other peer reviewers such as a nurse, oncologist etc. we would check that what the hospital we were reviewing said was the truth.  I also cannot Peer Review any hospital that is a part of my hospitals trust where I am treated so there is no conflict of interest.  This is what is so brilliant about Peer Review.  Trained patients as well as medical staff who understand how hospitals are run and the jobs they are meant to be done go in who have NO affiliation with the hospital under review at all.  This means the review is true.  After going through the documents sent prior to the review and checking against the documentation in the hospital, the staff on the ward come in and we would then go through the points and clear up any queries.  I then ask questions to make sure that care is appropriate and how they deal with potential issues such as patients who lived a long way from the Teenage Cancer Trust ward and how they would get access. (This is so important to me as I didn’t have access to a Teenage Cancer Trust ward and my experience was horrific).  This means that problems could be spotted before anything happened and if needs be, the hospital/ward put onto special measures until the problem was sorted.  THIS SAVES LIVES AND KEEPS PATIENTS SAFE.

I received an email this morning to say that the 2015 Cancer Peer Review has been suspended.  I do not know if NHS England is going to replace it with something else.  All I know is that without it there will possibly be no review of the hospitals that were meant to have it this coming year, or if they do it will be by people who may have a biased opinion which is problematic.  This is the point of Peer Review it is people with no bias who CARE about reviewing cancer services.  I was at a meeting recently and NHS England have stated that there will be an 8% rise in cancer patients going through hospital clinics, I believe starting next year.  An 8% rise.  Will there be an 8% rise in nursing staff and consultants? This 8% rise is going to cause a lot of strain and the fall out will no doubt be on the patient.  Peer Review is one way to try and prevent it.  I also feel that my right to protect and ensure correct care has been taken away.  The patient voice is so strong and so willing to make things better for others.  Especially for the Lost Tribe, the 16-24 year olds that ALWAYS have a rare cancer as it’s rare in this age range.  It’s never expected so often there is misdiagnosis of months or even years.  It is this age group that I am passionate about and want to be able to help and protect.  Peer Review gave me that and it was a joy to do it. 

I don’t know if writing this will do anything.  I just hope that the more who read it and realise the value and importance of Peer Review in cancer services might mean that someone somewhere will listen.  Don’t let another hospital disaster happen because we weren’t able to go in and check the paperwork, speak to the staff and make sure all was ok.  Don’t let cancer services be reviewed by other departments in the same hospitals – the review will never be 100% honest.  Don’t let NHS England take away this tool that can save lives.

Here is a link to a petition which links Peer Review and breast cancer
 http://action.breastcancercampaign.org/ea-action/action?ea.client.id=1777&ea.campaign.id=32111&ea.tracking.id=sianblog

So with a heavy heart, and it truly is, I thank you for reading this.

With hope for without it there is nothing,

Katie

Lower Drug Dose

So my lovely bloglets,

I had a check up last Tuesday and once again I left just a little bit in love with my consultant.  I can't tell you how amazing it is to be listened to.  It feels rather surreal.  She asks how I am, I tell her, she listens and then she implements change and checks with me that it's ok.  Seriously.  This is fucking amazing!  I don't know why I expect it to be different with her, I suppose it's because for the previous, well, 6 and a half years, I was asked how I was, I said and nothing was done.

So the change.  I have I think 4 days left of the current dose I'm on, then I drop down from 400mg a day to 300mg, which is the lowest clinically effective dose found in trials.  I shall see how that is for about 4 or 5 weeks and then I'm back again to see her to let her know how it is.  Depending on how the lower dose is and if it's still not great, I then have one option left.  If I decide to try it, which is MY decision and if it's not good I then choose the best out of a bad lot and stick with it, with possible breaks I think when it all gets a bit much.  But, hopefully the lower dose will be better or the last option will be.

I suppose it's appropriate to talk about fatigue at this point.  It's not great at the moment, I won't lie. Have done a few epic sleeps recently.  The best was the night before last - 13 hours!  And then yesterday tears at the frustration that when I try to have a normal life for a few days I then need at least two days of doing nothing and multiple 12 hour sleeps to recover.  I don't want to whinge, I just feel a bit 'it's not fair' at the moment.  However, lot's of good to focus on, like my gorgeous nice who smiles at me so much!  It's amazing.  I am looking after her this coming Friday as my sister is going back to yoga.  I can't wait!

I am getting ever aware that the 19th January is just around the corner.  8 years.....

Another good thing I found out is that my consultant is fairly sure that I will be able to extend my freezing agreement with the hospital and that I shouldn't have lost my fertility which is a relief.  Just need to find someone now....

I feel like this post is a bit meh, maybe because I feel a bit meh.  I think maybe because I might just have to accept that I might just be a little bit (or a lot) tired for the rest of my life.  A big thing to accept, I don't want to, but maybe I will be more at peace if I do.  I still have hope though, hope that my body will get there, get to the results that are needed to come off treatment.  I have come so far, it just sometimes feels like I'm a snail on the pavement desperate to get to the other side of the road and I'm still 3 paving slabs from the curb on this side of the road.

Maybe I just need to stop being so fucking whingy and be happy with everything I have.  Which is so much.  Don't get me wrong.  My life is so rich.  I have you, I have my family and friends, and twitter. I have my business and discovered at the weekend that I can call myself a Naturopathic Physician which is SO fucking exciting!!!  And I am involved with so many exciting things.  Sometimes it's hard to remember all that and easier to focus on the slightly shitty side of life.

As always, with so much hope and love,
XXX

Talking About Me

So last week I spent some time talking about me. I know. I know. My favourite past time. However I do it for others, and that is genuine.

On Thursday night I spoke at an event for Macmillan that they put on to thank people for their support with the worlds biggest coffee morning. Whilst I am often in two minds about this charity because they are so massive and corporate and god knows how much they spend on advertising, they raised a phenomenal amount with this event. And if it does all go into the charity in terms of funding nurses and getting support to those that need it, well, that's fucking brilliant. Macmillan for those of you that don't know wrote me a cheque to pay for my egg freezing for a year when I still had to pay as I couldn't afford it.  (I didn't realise it should have been paid for as part of my cancer treatment. Naughty consultant...). This kept them safe for a year and whilst it was only £200 it was actually priceless. So I do have love for this charity.

Friday I was back at Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research to be filmed for their website. They are doing, which I think is amazing, films on all the blood cancers and people talking about their experience so you can read the question/topic and then watch a little video answer. Brilliant! It's also great as everyone talks about their experience which can be so different to what the consultants/literature you are given tells you. Particularly in my case. No need to start on that though as it's what a lot of this blog is about! It was also nice in a way to talk about everything again and to focus on the good and the bad to remind me of all the good AND I was able to give my business a plug. (By the way special offer Christmas de-stress aromatherapy massage for £60. katie@harleystreetnaturopath.co.uk). I also spoke about the parallel me who is a solicitor working in art fraud. Crazy thinking about that. I wonder what that life is like, where I live, am I happy etc. That life was not meant to be and I don't regret it or mourn for it (most of the time) just curious. But I will never know. I was also told whilst I was there that a lot of the employees know my name as they read this which is nice, so hello! And thank you!

One thing that I do find slightly difficult when I do these things is people telling me I'm an inspiration. I genuinely do not see how I am, especially as I feel I spend a large amount of my time whinging. I just carry on the best way I know, which is the only way I know, which is being me. I don't know if me is different to how I was nearly 8 years ago (8 years, fucking hell, just under a quarter of my life), or if me has changed. Well of course I have changed but I think I deal with things how I have always done. Anyway, I made a decision to carry on and that's all I have done. Just sometimes interesting events pop up that I have to deal with that someone else my age might not have to. So yes. I do find it a bit weird being called an inspiration. Although I'm not saying I don't like it......!

On a whinging energy note, I am fucking exhausted at the moment. I slept for about 11 hours on Wednesday night, spent over 12 hours in bed on Thursday night, slept for about 11 hours on Friday and last night. I felt really awful on Thursday and in fact left the Macmillan event immediately after speaking as I felt so shit.  I'm also sneezy at the moment. Do not want to get ill again. I'm hoping that all the sleeping I'm doing will help be fight off whatever is trying to take a hold.  It just shows me once again that when I try to do too much, which is basically living like a normal person, my body says no. So fucking annoying.

But all in all, at the moment I am doing ok. Went to The Other Art Fair last weekend which was amazing. Mentally spent a lot of money and it was nice to see an artist I follow on twitter, Matt Forster. Did my best to flirt a painting out of him and failed but there is always next time! Going to the theatre tomorrow night and have had lots of hanging out with my niece time and more to come this week. Also my brother is home for Christmas which has made me smile, and lots of potential exciting things with my business and cancer stuff too on the horizon. So other than the tired whinge, which we all know is a recurrent one, things are good.

And. My mother WILL kill me. I have basically decided January 19th, 8 years, is when an angel wing will become permanently with me. Someone sent me this quote from twitter by Emily Dickinson which finalised it.

"'Hope' is the thing with feathers
   That perches in the soul
   And sings the tune without the words
   And never stops- at all"

With love and hope,
XxX

Up and Down

Well my lovely bloglets,

It’s been a while I know.  It’s strange I have so much great stuff going on at the moment but have been feeling a bit meh.  It’s definitely to do with not sleeping enough and I can only blame myself for that.  I suppose also slight money worries. I have had two patients a week for a few weeks which is really good and I’m thrilled about it!  But as it happens with what I do, and part of my ethos is to educate, so I’m no longer needed, the decision was made that enough has been achieved with one for them to carry on alone.  I know I will get more, I’ve only just started, I know I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing,  it’s still a bit daunting.  I’m also writing a weekly nutrition blog post which is amazing and a really good thing for me because it reminds me how much I know, and keeps me looking for new info etc.  If you are interested in me and a Naturoptahic approach to nutrition it’s here: http://theyellowdressproject.wordpress.com/youtrition-with-katie/

And I’m now going to be a bit cheeky and do a me plug – www.harleystreetnaturopath.co.uk    www.facebook.com/harleystreetnaturopath and of course, twitter, @HS_Naturopath. 

So, it’s been a pretty cancer-tastic time recently. I have finally started writing my book/guide thing, so hopefully I can keep working on that writing regularly and get something decent done.  All has gone a bit quiet with the publisher who contacted me, but if I have to find another, I will and just hope that what I write is of interest.

I have been doing more things with Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research.   I don’t know if you remember but I’ve been to a couple of focus groups with them.  They are now expanding into patient experience rather than just research, so of course, being the gobby person that I am, I go and give them my opinion.  Whether they want it or not.  So guess who is being filmed next week?!?  ME!!!!!  Ha ha ha.  I’m so ridiculous.  They are doing films on the different blood cancers and obviously my experience is so important, if not THE most important EVER so I’m going to be on their website talking about it.  Obviously I’m ignoring the fact that I’m not the only one who has been asked….  I went in last week to talk about me, myself and cancer, and as always, when I talk, I’m thrown back and things process.  It’s good.  It’s why I do it.  It needs to be done.  And it’s so amazing that my fucking shitty experiences as well as the amazing can help others.  Talking about the bad can help change that for the good for someone else.  And that’s why I do it.  Not for me.  For others.

I have also been at another interesting focus group thing but I’m not sure how much I am allowed to talk about, so will be annoying and won’t.  I also have the monthly steering committee for the research study I am a part of on Monday.  AND I’m speaking for Macmillan at an event I think on Thursday at a place in Borough Market that basically only does chocolate.  I know.  Amazing.

I also got a bit of rage.  Unsurprising I know.  I saw on Facebook that Facebook and Apple are going to pay for their female employees to have their eggs frozen.  Part of me understands that it’s an amazing thing to be offered and paid for.  Another part of me thinks that it’s fucking outrageous.  I had IVF ( and I can’t actually put into words how grateful I am that that happened and I have my eggs and if I am infertile I can hopefully have my own baby ) as part of my cancer treatment and I had to fucking pay.  It makes me SO angry. Couples who can’t seem to conceive naturally have a go free on the NHS and ….

I do my best not to abuse the NHS and take responsibility for my health and do the best I can for me.  I also don’t want to be taking my drugs and hate that I cost so much.  However, it does upset me a lot that his happened.  But.  Breathe and relax.  It was years ago.  The money borrowed has been paid back.  I have them.  Why should I get angry?  Well.  It’s not fair.  That’s why. 

I have my check up in just over a week and I will hopefully find out if I am able to extend my egg storage or not.  The hospital agreed with me 10 years, and in 2 years, unbelievably, it’s up.  If I can’t extend the freezing then I will be having a baby, fingers crossed, in the next two years.  Which is terrifying, but also maybe what’s meant to happen.  I will also have to negotiate time off treatment as I will want to, if I can, breast feed for at least 3 months.  I don’t know if I will be allowed a year or a year and a bit off treatment.  As I say, this discussion might not to happen yet, but it’s there in the back of my mind. As well as the cost.  Will I have to pay for that part of the IVF as well?

And on a baby note.  My niece.  I am so in love.  I get to see her about once a week and she now smiles at me when she sees me.  Seeing that, I mean, there are no words.  Babies are a little bit of magic. 

In so many ways I am free, I am lucky, I am here.  But my life is not fully my own.  And that is hard.

An angel wing…it’s still with me, I have had a little look at pictures but there hasn't been one that has grabbed me.  Maybe I will get someone to draw one for me.

So as you may be able to see I’m a bit up and down, but in general all is ok, and it will be better after I’ve had a few nights catch up sleep of 11-12 hours.  And apparently I was hungry and didn't know it so have now cheered up immensely!  I love food.

With love and hope,

XXX

Catching Up

Well my lovely bloglets,

I feel like I haven’t written in a while, so thought I would do a little catch up of what’s been going on.

Firstly, I have succumbed to a fucking horrible lurgey that has been circulating.  Day 9 today and feeling so much better but still coughing, bit snotty and my voice isn’t fully back yet.  My body took drastic measures to make me rest and sleep and re-charge. I am currently at the rentals, have been here since Thursday and heading back to London on Tuesday for the expert chemotherapy reference group meeting I sit on as a patient voice.

I have been manic.  I have business cards!!!  A room to use on Wimpole Street, looking for a room in the City, approving the last tweaks to my website, which should be live this week, saw my first Naturopathy patient, have a massage patient and generally telling everyone what I do so encourage more people to see me. Oh, and a business bank account – so fucking grown up!

I am now doing a Sunday blog spot on a blog called the Yellow Dress Project writing about nutrition and nutrition type things which is amazing, and an honour to be asked.

I have sent off an example of my more narrative style of writing to the person who wants to publish my book to see what they think of it, so hopefully I will hear back soon and then I will start writing in earnest.

I am also launching, with my mother, a new networking group in Marylebone, which is part of Women In Business, a national women’s only networking business.  I am already a member of one group at Holborn, which is where I got my first patient from.  This is very exciting and a whole new experience for me, so as of tomorrow, I will be working hard to get people to visit the launch and then hopefully join.

I DON’T FEEL FAT!  I know, amazing.  And in general I am feeling pretty happy. 

Last week was a bit of an emotional roller coaster.  The funeral of a much beloved lady was, I’m not going to lie, pretty horrific.  Bringing up so much of my own cancer related shit. But.  I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.  Saying goodbye is so important and then enjoying being with her family and friends afterwards whilst eating the most monumentally enormous piece of brie is something that I will treasure forever.  

Then, two days later, the wedding of one of my most favourite girls.  One of my little gang that have been there for me no matter what, especially since my diagnosis.  That group of girls keeps me going, and I am so incredibly lucky to have them.  You know who you are, and you had better fucking well read this! 

And then, a private party at Boodles with one of my most favourite people in the world.  A school friend.  We don’t see each other very often, in fact, I think I have seen him about 3 times in the last 3 years, but that doesn’t matter.  We just slot back to how we always are.  He makes me smile so much, a very special boy.  AND I was his plus one to his father’s 70^th. So, clearly I’m his most favourite person too.  Possibly the best moment of the night was finding in the bedroom, yes, I could have gone home, but I was offered a bed, (obviously not going to say no, I might never step foot place in there again), was step by step instructions of how to make a cafetiere of coffee. Ha ha ha.

So, I’m feeling pretty loved at the moment.

And I suppose the thing that makes me smile so much at the moment, and I smile every time I unlock my phone as my lock screen photo is of course, my niece.  I couldn’t see her last week because of the lurgey, so my sister sent me photos of her.  Seeing her change as she gets bigger is amazing.  I just sit and smile at her.  The love for her is overwhelming; I can’t imagine how it is when the baby is yours.

Another thing I have on the horizon that I am looking forward to is that an artist I follow on Twitter, Matt Forster, has an exhibition next week in London.  I supported a crowd funding project he did to get a book printed of some of his art, which I think I will get this coming week.  I love art.  My first degree was History of Art at Edinburgh and I loved it.  Exhibitions make me smile – paintings, sculpture or photos, and I love buildings.  Those of you who follow me on Instagram will know that.  I can’t draw, but I can and enjoy taking photos.  Anyways, going off point.  I love Matt’s watercolours and drawings, although I think he sold my favourite picture – an elephant – instead of giving it to me, so that’s quite frankly, rude.  I have a folder on my phone of screenshots of paintings that I want from him, I’m at over 100, so if any of you feel like buying me one, his website is www.mjforster.com.

I’m still knackered, so need to have a chat in a few weeks with my consultant when I’m back in my clinic.  The fatigue does feel different, not so heavy, but on Friday night I had about 7 hours sleep and all of yesterday I was exhausted with burning eyes and face.  Not good. 

Well, I think that’s it.  Ramble mode is approaching, so I should go.

Still thinking of an angel wing – when I look down at my wrist I can see it, I think it’s going to happen; my parents are going to kill me……

With love and hope,

XXX

I Got a 2.1

Sitting here with streams of tears running down my face but so happy.  This morning I found out that my degree has been confirmed, a 2.1 with honours.  And only now is it sinking in.

A 2.1, not that special, so many get them, in fact, I would say that the majority of people I know with a degree have a 2.1.  But for me, it's different.

I was meant to get one before, but it was taken away from me.  Being diagnosed with cancer and being so intolerant to my treatment meant that I couldn't carry on with my studies as my consultant had promised.  What a twat.  So I had to take a year out. 

Meeting with a very non sympathetic academic decider at Edinburgh alongside having a tutor who didn't get understand what it meant to carry on with my friends rather than do an extra year, meant that instead of bending the rules slightly to get me through with summer extensions,  I had to make the decision to leave with a General Degree which means, well nothing.  I didn't complete the degree fully and this is something Scottish Universities give out if you don't complete the final fourth year.

I call it my fake degree.

And today I have a real one.  Well I don't get the certificate until November, but it is done.

For those of you who read this and have done for a while will know how much of a struggle my final year was.  Hindered by side effects from my treatment trying to cope with the most insane work load. So low and miserable and depressed.  If I could have done I would have quit.  But.  Something kept me going.  Knowing that my degree wasn't just a subject but what I want to do with my life.  I have been saying for the last four years that I am training to become a Naturopath.  I am now one.

I am a Naturopath.

And I am so proud of me.

With love and hope,
XXX