Last Option

Well my lovely Bloglets,

I have been meaning to write this for 10 days - very unlike me to take so long to do it.  I was ill with a fucking horrible virus and in bed for 4 days with that and then the news didn't seem that exciting. But, I should write as I know many of you won't know this and this is a record of everything for me. Although I can't really be arsed today.

So a week last Tuesday I had the hospital.  I didn't freak out about my weight.  Although I think all the muscle I had built up running has now gone as I haven't been in a couple of weeks.  We shall see what they say this coming Tuesday....

What I wasn't necessarily expecting is that I walked out of my consultation with a two week chemo break and an appointment for two weeks time to start my last choice.  My consultant now seems to think that if I need to change back for whatever reason I should be able to but hopefully it won't be needed.  I also asked her if others have felt better on the drug I'm about to try compared to the last one.  She said yes.  She also said that normally if you have a side effect from one drug you won't get it with the next, so I am a bit unusual.  And I still feel fucking knackered even though I have been drug free for over a week.  This is not what's meant to happen.  I should feel fine by now....

So I start the new one next week.  I don't really have any high hopes or low hopes or any to be honest. The last lot were better than the ones before which were better than the ones before.  But.  I'm a bit fed up of being knackered.  Although I'm not sure how I feel about potentially being no longer knackered.  It's weird.  It's been there for so long.  It gives me a reason not to do things.  But then.  If I wasn't knackered I would want to do things.  We shall see what happens.  The best thing though is that I believe I don't have to fast with the next lot.  Thank fuck.  Not having to wait an hour in the morning will make such a difference.  Sounds silly doesn't it, but it was fucking annoying.  And having to wake up an hour earlier to take them was fucking annoying.  So at least I don't have to be fucking annoyed about that.

Yesterday morning I had the photoshoot for the article that will be in Fabulous, The Sun's magazine on a Saturday or Sunday about me, so should know the publication date soon.  I suppose this is yet another good reason to post a photo or two. Ha ha ha.

Hope they got a nice one for the paper.

So that's it really.  Started a baby massage course which is exciting, hope to blast through it quickly so I can start teaching it to parents.  I want my practice to be baby/child/parent focused so this is the first step in that happening.

So until next time when hopefully I won't be as tired and a bit less meh,
Lots of love and hope,
XXX