The Marathon and Me

Well my lovely Bloglets,

I am as I'm sure you are all aware training for the London Marathon which is in 24 days.  I have been training very slowly for, well in all honesty, since last January.  January 2015 that is.  Running as it does with me happens in waves and my last year of University removed all opportunities for me to exercise as I was so fucking exhausted from the work load.  So I knew I had to start slowly.  I was meant to do the marathon in 2015, that was the agreement I made with myself.  I'm not entirely sure why I picked 2015 in all honesty.

2012 I did London for the first time and didn't get the time I wanted.  I wanted to do it in 4.5 hours but a hot day, not forecast of course, and discovering that my Nike running chip miles were not in fact full miles meant that I crossed the line after just over 5 hours.  This of course meant that I had to do it again to get the time I wanted.  Because just over 5 hours isn't good enough....

I had to decline the place I was offered in 2015 because life and fatigue was just too much.  Living in a toxic environment with a truly horrible person and recovering from my degree meant that I simply couldn't do it.  So instead of thinking, ok, never mind, you have done it once, you don't need to do it again just to get the time you wanted, I thought fuck it.  I'll do it next year.

So I am.

It's been hard.  It's been really really hard.  Long runs in the wind - I can promise you, this year has been very windy - have meant that I have often had to fight off a lurgey after it.  Exhaustion has meant I have had to take breaks from my training.  Last weekend I was meant to do 20 miles and forgetting that 20 miles of running up and down hills fucks your knees as I was at my parents for Easter meant I only did 15 in the end.  Probably the equivalent to 20 miles on the flat.  But still.  Not 20 miles.  I was meant to do 20 miles yesterday but I have a virus.  I'm at my parents so I can be looked after and missing my sisters hen weekend...

I rarely get ill.  It happens when I am exhausted.  Really exhausted.  And I am.  Setting up your own business is fucking hard work especially when no one really gets what you do.

So I'm having to let go of my internal chat of beating myself up for not carrying on for those last 5 miles last weekend so at least I knew I had done 20 miles.

I have questioned a lot over the last few weeks if I should do the marathon.  Can I do it?  Is there a point if I get an even worse time than last time?  And then I think of all the people who have sponsored me.  The reason I am doing it.

I still have 24 days.  That's a long time. I can do one or two 20 mile runs and have a week off before the day.  I will have shifted this virus by Monday.  It's just mind of matter anyways, isn't it?

And then yesterday I was sent this link to a video I was filmed for Bloodwise and it reminded me of all I have done, of all I can do.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbUqoZlfZc4&feature=youtu.be

So I will.

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/KatherineRuane

With love, hope and determination,
XXX