My 10th Cancerversary

I genuinely don’t really know what to say.  I just re-read the post I did on my 8^thCancerversary as Bloodwise very kindly tweeted it and it was far more profound than anything I can think of to say today.

As always, the lead up is worse than the day.  Yesterday was a bit tricky with unexpected tears in a networking meeting that wasn’t exactly what I had planned. This week is always a very vivid one. Remembering how I was and what happened on the lead up to today. A blood test. A series of phone calls resulting in my diagnosis. And going into hospital. Becoming a cancer patient. 

So today. I don’t know.  10 years.  It’s completely surreal really. I never thought I would still be on treatment now. Or that I would still be single. Or that I would be a Naturopathic Physician. That last one I am fucking happy about by the way. I am actually very pleased I'm not a lawyer as I was going to be!

Today has been a happy day. A bright blue sky and the sunshine has helped. A day so very similar in weather to today 10 years ago. I walked across London Bridge this morning and it was beautiful. I was immediately thrown back to walking over North Bridge in Edinburgh loving the bright blue sky and sunshine with the castle to my left and Carlton hill to my right. Phoning home to tell my father I had been to the doctors and that I'd had a blood test. Having absolutely no realisation or expectation of what was going to happen. 

I have had so many wonderful messages today. Waking up to one from my best friend who lives in New York made me smile. I'm sad she isn't here. She wasn't in Edinburgh when I was diagnosed as she was having a year out in Italy. So weirdly, as much as I want to see her, it's fitting she isn't here. 

And then my tattoo this morning. My angel wing. It's there. And I love it. To remind me I'm not alone. I'm watched. I'm loved. I'm looked after without knowing it. 

Seeing a friend at her cafe. 

So much laughing. Today has been about laughing and smiling. 

Which is how it should be. 

Yes, there have been many fucking awful moments over the last 10 years. Challenges I have had to face on my own, and still do. Things are not always as easy as my smiling face and throw away sarcastic comments would show. 

But. 

So much good. 

And today. I am once again shown how much my family and friends love me. 

And that kind of makes it all worth it. 

So with love, hope and the angels that watch over me. In disguise as people I know or those I have known. 

XxX