Wednesday, 20 November 2013
Reflection on Change
The last few weeks have been quite tough. Processing that my consultant is going and the change that will bring. I struggle with change yet life throws it at me quite a lot. It's funny how life has a canny way of giving you often what you don't want because you don't like it. Forcing you to face up to it and change yourself and therefore become more flexible and adaptable.
Unfortunately the lower dose of drug is still having an impact on my energy levels. I'm adjusting to it and wish I was as I was for those few weeks that I had my life back. But maybe it's also so I prioritise and look after myself. I have however found doing anything I'm meant to do lately very difficult. I don't know if it's because I'm fucking knackered again or because winter is showing its face and I want to retreat inside and hibernate and rest rather than plan for patients, go to lectures and do the crazy amounts of work I have to do. So I don't. And then I make it worse for myself.
Yesterday one of my patients was booked in, they had changed their appointment and for some reason I didn't get the email letting me know. I therefore hadn't really done any preparation work and was completely thrown by it. There have been complications with this case and I had a bit of a strop saying I was fed up about the way it has all been a managed etc and it's not fair on me or the patient. By the time they came in I was in a better mood, possibly because the caffeine had kicked in and because I had adjusted to the change in the day. More change.
After the consultation I was given really amazing feedback and it has once again confirmed that I am doing the right thing. All this change is meant to be because without it I wouldn't be where I am. And I am meant to be here doing what I do.