The last few weeks have been quite tough. Processing that my
consultant is going and the change that will bring. I struggle with change yet
life throws it at me quite a lot. It's funny how life has a canny way of giving
you often what you don't want because you don't like it. Forcing you to face up
to it and change yourself and therefore become more flexible and adaptable.
Unfortunately the lower dose of drug is still having an
impact on my energy levels. I'm adjusting to it and wish I was as I was for those
few weeks that I had my life back. But maybe it's also so I prioritise and
look after myself. I have however found doing anything I'm meant to do lately
very difficult. I don't know if it's because I'm fucking knackered again or
because winter is showing its face and I want to retreat inside and hibernate
and rest rather than plan for patients, go to lectures and do the crazy amounts
of work I have to do. So I don't. And then I make it worse for myself.
Yesterday one of my patients was booked in, they had
changed their appointment and for some reason I didn't get the email letting me
know. I therefore hadn't really done any preparation work and was completely
thrown by it. There have been complications with this case and I had a bit of a
strop saying I was fed up about the way it has all been a managed etc and it's
not fair on me or the patient. By the time they came in I was in a better mood,
possibly because the caffeine had kicked in and because I had adjusted to the
change in the day. More change.
After the consultation I was given really amazing
feedback and it has once again confirmed that I am doing the right thing. All
this change is meant to be because without it I wouldn't be where I am. And I
am meant to be here doing what I do.
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