Sshh, don't tell TCT but I was filmed for Macmillan today

So really briefly because I'm about to go on a 5 day EFT course, which will be amazing and will blog about it next week, I spent today being filmed for Macmillan and their 'Biggest Thank You' thing and here is the link if you want to have a look at it, rather than me trying to explain it badly.

http://www.biggestthankyou.org.uk/FindOutMore.aspx

So I asked Crouch to email me a 'letter' which I had to read and my emotion was filmed, I did not read it until I had the camera in front of me, so all the emotion was genuine, and I'm not going to lie, I cried.  Then when I was done, I went back into the room I had my make up done in and was like 'guys, do you want to hear what my friend said and made cry?' so they said yes.  I thought I would be fine, but in face when you read something out, the reality of it hits you even more, so I though I would share it with you. So read it and blub!

Dearest Katherine-face,

Now my dearest friend, i feel it is about time I put in writing just how strong and brilliant you truly are. If there were to be any silver lining from your whole ordeal, it would be that it has brought to the forefront of all of our minds your admirable courage and wonderful gentle nature. We all knew you possessed these things before, they have just shined through blindingly brightly in the past 4 years, accompanied by huge amounts of giggles (and sushi, chocolate and prongs. Oh and hollyoaks)

You have been there for me and so many others through every little road bump in life, even though most of them were ridiculous! (read: boy related). I hope you already know this but I can't stress it enough - I am here for you at whatever time you may ever need me. I feel you are such a rock in so many peoples lives and sincerely hope you really realise that you inspire us to be more rock like and hope you know you can lean on us through everything and anything! 

I thank you for existing and staying true to yourself through absolutely everything. Your 'nothing will knock me' attitude and lively spirit are inspirational, and everyone could do with taking a leaf out of the book of K G Ruane!

Keep that smile on your face! We all smile with you 

Mwah! Xxxxxxxx

Right, that's it, more next week.  Oh, and I will of course let you know when my film goes online.  

Lots of love, smiles and laughter, 

XXX

New film on jimmyteens.tv

I forgot to mention yesterday in my excitement:

http://jimmyteens.tv/2011/06/katie-ruane-video-blog-10/

It's the usual witty, and intelligent etc etc film you have come to expect from me!

XXX

EEK, SO EXCITING!!!

Well my lovely ones,

Do I owe you a long one?  I don't think so as have done a few recently haven't I?  I suppose the way to answer that would be to have a look, but that would be far too easy and would mean that you won't have the pleasure of  me rambling at you.

Well I have been feeling a bit down recently and I'm not entirely sure why.  I think it's probably because I've been pretty busy and working at Abel&Cole the organic fruit and veg company my sister works at, and with the higher dose of drug have been feeling pretty knackered.  And when I'm knackered I am prone to being a bit meh.  She's head of marketing whilst I'm a lowly temp in customer services during the day and then a couple of evenings a week I do a bit of telemarketing for them, which is good cause I haven't been able to sell my car as it's not roadworthy at the mo and I'd have to spend money on it to get it roadworthy that I don't want to, so have money coming in from working instead.  And it's also nice meeting new peeps too, and it's a a great place to work as the dress code if pretty casual so I haven't had to buy suits etc So basically it's a good thing.  But the tiredness is crap especially as I don't have to do very much before I feel it.  Whilst the lower dose did make me tired, I'd forgotten how tired I got with the higher dose.  I just need to get through the next few weeks, earn the money and they I can chill out whilst I'm away, and not panic about not having enough money to spend. Having said that, if anyone wants to donate me a Kindle, I won't say no!!

The main reason for this is not to bang on about temping work or the fact that according to the scales at the hospital I haven't lost any weight.  I'm telling myself its cause of the muscle I've built up running and nothing to do with cake....anyways,

MY PLATELETS ARE 131 (normal is 140)  AND I DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CHECK UP FOR 3 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHOOP FUCKING WHOOP!!!

So that has over ridden all moans and gloomyness and melancholy etc etc etc

I do potentially have to do battle with student loans over the next couple of weeks before I go, to get them to loan me the money for my fees this coming year, and a tutor at uni has said that turning my degree into a masters might mean that.  I've been thinking about turning it into a masters anyway because it will further my learning so much with that extra year and extend my clinical skills etc so I'm going to do a Masters.  Also at this point, another year doesn't  really make any difference to the amount I will owe as it's such a large amount and the difference between graduating at 30 or 31 is nothing.

So what else, can't think, am still ecstatic about my results this morning!  Will be back if I think of anything I should have mentioned and haven't.  I'm writing this whilst watching the Time Travellers Wife, and it's no way as good as the book. I'm quite disappointed in fact.  So on that note, will go and watch it properly and maybe it will get better.

Oh and follow me on twitter - @kgruane

Lots of love, laughter and smiles, especially today!
XXX

I passed my exams!

Well my little bloglets,

I have good news. I passed all my exams woop woop!!! Not well which is a bit upsetting as I worked so hard for them. I obviously need a bit of help in answering science questions, or rather writing in a scientific style as I have a feeling I wrote in an arts style. But the good thing is that other than getting a pass it doesn't matter and I can get some help before my exams next year which are more important. It's also good that working for my written assignments paid off as getting those few 70 plus results pulled my overall mark up. So all in all am one happy bunny! I was really worried last September about how I would cope as going back into work at Edinburgh was such a disaster as I didn't have the support I needed from my tutor and everything took so long and exhausted me. At Westminster my tutor is great and all the staff have been great at getting me through the year. Also as I'm so much stronger now, whilst finding it tiring I was more able to balance everything. I have also started to get my timetable for next year sorted so I have most of my clinics in the last term when most of the classroom teaching is finished so I'm not overwhelmed. Especially as the day is 2 hours longer. Am a bit concerned about that, but I coped so well this year and amazed myself at how well I've done, so I know at another level that I will be fine.

So in a nutshell I'm pretty fucking amazing!

What else to say? That was it really, got my check up in a couple of weeks so will have more health news then.

I've got my running distance up to 3 miles in about 30-40 mins depending on how it goes so that's good. Have also lost some weight, I think as my clothes are fitting better again WOO HOO so hopefully when I get weighed the scales will be lower. If not I'm going to kill myself!

I've started to do some part time work at Abel&Cole the organic veg box people which is fun. My big sister works there so my new name is 'oh, you're Claudia's sister!!!'. It good cause I get some extra spending money and it stops me from spending all my money during the day before I go on the 15th July.

Well I think that's about it. A lovely friend rang me while he was at the Foo Fighters last night which was amazing. I was also really tired so a bit emotional and a tear or two might have escaped. I fucking LOVE them!

Talking of love, I'm not going to go into detail because I would be typing all night and also I don't really mention my love life on here, but it's been quite entertaining recently in a car crash way. Well its entertaining for my flatmate, not really entertaining for me. There were 2, then 1, and then none all in the space of about 10 days. So well done me! More of a disaster than usual. If anyone knows someone nice, non complicated and if possible 6ft or more, can you send them my way??!! I would really appreciate it. Am a bit bored of being single now.

So on that note will bugger off to chat up random men at the bus stop or something.

Lots of love, laughter and smiles,
XxX

In need of a tissue....it's an emotional one

Well my little bloglets,

I'm not going to lie, I feel a bit maudlin, and I don't know why.... Maybe it's listening to Elbow, did I mention I saw them in the Crypt of St Pauls Cathedral??  It was fucking amazing - thank you Teenage Cancer Trust!!  So maybe it's the song - I think it's called Build A Rocket Boys - that has reminded me of the gig and how privileged I am to be able to do these things.  Admittedly I was volunteering and waving a bucket after the gig and smiling tying to extract as much money out of people as possible.  And I did quite well as just over £1,000 was given.   I should confess at this point that I was not the only bucket-er, but I like to think that it was me that got that majority!!

So where was I going?  Can't remember, not really much of a surprise to those of you who a) know me and b) read this regularly.  I would also like to say hello to the people who have started to read this because of my twitter account.  It's @kgruane if I haven't already mentioned it.

So feeling maudlin, or maybe I'm just feeling so grateful, I don't know.  Being my usual indecisive self.  Or maybe it's because the sun is setting, it's been a beautiful day, I've had a lovely day with two friends at Borough Market and lots of food, well cake and then I walked home.  Yes, it was further than I thought it was going to be - about 4 miles and about an hour and a half's walk, so maybe I'm just tired.  But as I strolled home, walking past so many beautiful buildings, some old and some brand new.  There is an amazing church on Brixton Road and the Razor building at Elephant and Castle takes my breath away.  I felt this feeling of peace and contentedness that I've been searching for since moving to London.  I'm doing really well in my degree, I got another first in some chemistry work, and feel that I am finally doing the right thing.  No longer job hunting not knowing what I want to do, so not getting anything or ending up working for ridiculous people for peanuts in an industry I couldn't give a fuck about.  If you'd told me at 15 that I'd get over 70 in science, especially chemistry I would have laughed and told you to fuck off!  I live in a flat that I love, with a flatty I adore - it's really home. Due to a very generous godfather and being careful with my student loan I only need to work part time before I go travelling and I get to see my little brother, admittedly only for 4 days, but for those 4 days he is all mine.  I am also seeing other friends not seen in years.

Summer seems to have arrived and as I see people in flip flops and sandals and lots of coloured toe nails I wonder when I can do that again.  I stopped wearing nail polish the summer of 2008 when I also stopped drinking because of all the crap in it, as the skin absorbs everything and all the chemicals in nail polish.  I hoped, as silly as this might sound that by doing that, it would help my body fight, and keep it stronger and healthier.  I am ever hopeful that this is the case and that I will get that magic result soon.  I often get angry and think fuck it and stop all the changes I've made.  Yes, I talk about cake a lot and go through stages of eating it fairly regularly, but on the whole I'm pretty good, I'd say 80% good, 20% bad.  I have cut dairy, refined sugar and caffeine from my diet as cancer cells feed off them.  I don't drink, I don't smoke and I eat as organically as I can.  Sometimes I think what's the point.  But then if I hadn't done all this, would I still be here?  Would I have had the bone marrow transplant that I sometimes long for?  I don't know, that's the thing with life.  I know this has all happened for a reason, I just wish that it would hurry up and be over.

So as I sit on my sofa with the sun setting behind the prison - a beautiful sight!  Listening to a beautiful song with tears streaming down my face...and I don't know why.  It is for all the times I didn't let myself cry?  For all those not here today?  Or for the person I saw being loaded up into an ambulance last week in Brixton who has tragically died.  The place where he was beaten up is now full of flowers and cards.  Or is it because I so happy to still be here, to be able to carry on, with amazing people around me?  Or is it simply because I've exhausted myself walking home?

I don't know why I've suddenly decided to open up so much on here, perhaps its time to be completely honest and to let you know that I do have my down moments and to show that it's not all ok all the time.  Or maybe it's because I'm on my own and I would rather type about how I feel than ring my parents.  Maybe it's because I just need to 'be' -  admittedly with my laptop and Elbow.

Thank you for giving me this space and for supporting me through it all; I couldn't do it without you.

As always, so much love, laughter and smiles and the odd tear,
XXX