Sunday, 26 October 2014

Talking About Me

So last week I spent some time talking about me. I know. I know. My favourite past time. However I do it for others, and that is genuine.

On Thursday night I spoke at an event for Macmillan that they put on to thank people for their support with the worlds biggest coffee morning. Whilst I am often in two minds about this charity because they are so massive and corporate and god knows how much they spend on advertising, they raised a phenomenal amount with this event. And if it does all go into the charity in terms of funding nurses and getting support to those that need it, well, that's fucking brilliant. Macmillan for those of you that don't know wrote me a cheque to pay for my egg freezing for a year when I still had to pay as I couldn't afford it.  (I didn't realise it should have been paid for as part of my cancer treatment. Naughty consultant...). This kept them safe for a year and whilst it was only £200 it was actually priceless. So I do have love for this charity.

Friday I was back at Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research to be filmed for their website. They are doing, which I think is amazing, films on all the blood cancers and people talking about their experience so you can read the question/topic and then watch a little video answer. Brilliant! It's also great as everyone talks about their experience which can be so different to what the consultants/literature you are given tells you. Particularly in my case. No need to start on that though as it's what a lot of this blog is about! It was also nice in a way to talk about everything again and to focus on the good and the bad to remind me of all the good AND I was able to give my business a plug. (By the way special offer Christmas de-stress aromatherapy massage for £60. I also spoke about the parallel me who is a solicitor working in art fraud. Crazy thinking about that. I wonder what that life is like, where I live, am I happy etc. That life was not meant to be and I don't regret it or mourn for it (most of the time) just curious. But I will never know. I was also told whilst I was there that a lot of the employees know my name as they read this which is nice, so hello! And thank you!

One thing that I do find slightly difficult when I do these things is people telling me I'm an inspiration. I genuinely do not see how I am, especially as I feel I spend a large amount of my time whinging. I just carry on the best way I know, which is the only way I know, which is being me. I don't know if me is different to how I was nearly 8 years ago (8 years, fucking hell, just under a quarter of my life), or if me has changed. Well of course I have changed but I think I deal with things how I have always done. Anyway, I made a decision to carry on and that's all I have done. Just sometimes interesting events pop up that I have to deal with that someone else my age might not have to. So yes. I do find it a bit weird being called an inspiration. Although I'm not saying I don't like it......!

On a whinging energy note, I am fucking exhausted at the moment. I slept for about 11 hours on Wednesday night, spent over 12 hours in bed on Thursday night, slept for about 11 hours on Friday and last night. I felt really awful on Thursday and in fact left the Macmillan event immediately after speaking as I felt so shit.  I'm also sneezy at the moment. Do not want to get ill again. I'm hoping that all the sleeping I'm doing will help be fight off whatever is trying to take a hold.  It just shows me once again that when I try to do too much, which is basically living like a normal person, my body says no. So fucking annoying.

But all in all, at the moment I am doing ok. Went to The Other Art Fair last weekend which was amazing. Mentally spent a lot of money and it was nice to see an artist I follow on twitter, Matt Forster. Did my best to flirt a painting out of him and failed but there is always next time! Going to the theatre tomorrow night and have had lots of hanging out with my niece time and more to come this week. Also my brother is home for Christmas which has made me smile, and lots of potential exciting things with my business and cancer stuff too on the horizon. So other than the tired whinge, which we all know is a recurrent one, things are good.

And. My mother WILL kill me. I have basically decided January 19th, 8 years, is when an angel wing will become permanently with me. Someone sent me this quote from twitter by Emily Dickinson which finalised it.

"'Hope' is the thing with feathers
   That perches in the soul
   And sings the tune without the words
   And never stops- at all"

With love and hope,


  1. Emily Dickinson (1830–86)

    Part One: Life


    I HAD been hungry all the years;
    My noon had come, to dine;
    I, trembling, drew the table near,
    And touched the curious wine.

    ’T was this on tables I had seen,
    When turning, hungry, lone,
    I looked in windows, for the wealth
    I could not hope to own.

    I did not know the ample bread,
    ’T was so unlike the crumb
    The birds and I had often shared
    In Nature’s dining-room.

    The plenty hurt me, ’t was so new,—
    Myself felt ill and odd,
    As berry of a mountain bush
    Transplanted to the road.

    Nor was I hungry; so I found
    That hunger was a way
    Of persons outside windows,
    The entering takes away.

  2. Why are you an inspiration?
    Despite everything and with prodigious whinging & swearing ;) you continue to find hope where it would be easy to find none but also see the beauty that surrounds us that its all to easy to ignore or take for granted

  3. Great blog. Can I share this on FB? I have a friend who has Leukaemia who may appreciate reading this.