So I did it. 4 hrs 57

Well my lovely bloglets,

So I did it. 4 hours 57 minutes. Just under the 5 hour marker and I think around 10 minutes faster than when I did it in 2012. 

I'm not going to lie. It was hard. It was really hard. I have a cough at the moment and didn't really think about the impact of running and coughing for 26.2 miles. It makes you hurt. A lot. And I think I did damage myself when I fell over a couple of weeks ago as my left knee began to whinge  around mile 15 which never happened during training. 

In some ways I am very sad and disappointed that I wasn't closer to 4 and a half hours. If only I had walked a bit less and upped my pace a bit earlier. Or eaten more jelly babies earlier. Or..... 

I'm going to do my best not to beat myself up about this. I look at others I know who did it and did it in a much faster time than me. And I forget to be kind to myself. I don't acknowledge how fucking difficult this has been for me this year. The fact that I have nearly withdrawn so many times. That I had a really nasty fall two weeks ago and was then ill with a virus. That my energy levels are shit and I just can't do everything that others can.  

I would like to say that yesterday was amazing. In some ways it was. The person who saw me around mile 5 or 6 and yelled 'THERE SHE IS' and put his hand out for me and squeezed mine as I went by. I have no idea who that was. I'm assuming someone from twitter. Or someone who thought I was someone else.....

Tower Bridge. Always amazing. The charities go mental for you. The noise is amazing. And then my parents and brother at the end of it. And yes. I cried. 

The person supporting Bloodwise around mile 15ish I think who clocked me. Thank you. Maybe the stickers on my leggings worked!

The massive group of Teenage Cancer Trust supporters around mile 19ish I think. Just as I was coming out of a really shit 4 miles. For some reason mile 15-19 hurt a lot with more walking than I would have liked. Not a lot. But enough to slow me down. It was those 4 miles that changes it from a near 4 and a half hour run to nearly 5. My knee really began complaining and shooting pains were going up my left leg. And the aching from coughing. I was eating an orange segment and I heard this incredible noise. I looked up and there they all were. Cheering me on. And the running began again. And it picked up. 

Then the best bit. The north bank. You know the end is getting close. There are more supporters out. You can see the London Eye and Westminster. Birdcage walk and then you are done. And also, I can't remember when exactly, but overtaking the man in the rhino suit who sped past me in my shit bit. I thought to myself, no fucking way is a man in a rhino suit going to beat me!

So I had a good beginning. A fucking shit middle and a good end. I didn't hit the wall. I kept going. And I did it. 

I have all my toenails. No chaffing and my usual blister on one of my toes but nothing hideous. 

I'm sad to say that I truly think this was my last marathon. The training you need to do alongside working full time and dealing with the effects of chemotherapy are just too much for me. 

I want to say thank you to everyone in the Bloodwise running Facebook group for being so great. Thank you to all my wonderful twitter lot who have put up with my whinging, encouraged me and given, I would say, 80% of my sponsorship money. To all the people that cheered me on yesterday, for the orange segments and the jelly babies. The supporting spirit for the London Marathon is hands down the best in the world. I would never do it anywhere else. 

And finally. To my family. For believing in me and telling me that doing my best no matter what that is, is enough. And if I did withdraw it was ok that everyone would understand if I did. And especially to my brother who flew over from Singapore to watch me. It is they that make me who I am. 

So finally. If you haven't and would like to. Here is my link for two incredible charities who make having cancer just that little bit more bearable. 

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/KatherineRuane

With love and hope,

XxX

The Marathon and Me

Well my lovely Bloglets,

I am as I'm sure you are all aware training for the London Marathon which is in 24 days.  I have been training very slowly for, well in all honesty, since last January.  January 2015 that is.  Running as it does with me happens in waves and my last year of University removed all opportunities for me to exercise as I was so fucking exhausted from the work load.  So I knew I had to start slowly.  I was meant to do the marathon in 2015, that was the agreement I made with myself.  I'm not entirely sure why I picked 2015 in all honesty.

2012 I did London for the first time and didn't get the time I wanted.  I wanted to do it in 4.5 hours but a hot day, not forecast of course, and discovering that my Nike running chip miles were not in fact full miles meant that I crossed the line after just over 5 hours.  This of course meant that I had to do it again to get the time I wanted.  Because just over 5 hours isn't good enough....

I had to decline the place I was offered in 2015 because life and fatigue was just too much.  Living in a toxic environment with a truly horrible person and recovering from my degree meant that I simply couldn't do it.  So instead of thinking, ok, never mind, you have done it once, you don't need to do it again just to get the time you wanted, I thought fuck it.  I'll do it next year.

So I am.

It's been hard.  It's been really really hard.  Long runs in the wind - I can promise you, this year has been very windy - have meant that I have often had to fight off a lurgey after it.  Exhaustion has meant I have had to take breaks from my training.  Last weekend I was meant to do 20 miles and forgetting that 20 miles of running up and down hills fucks your knees as I was at my parents for Easter meant I only did 15 in the end.  Probably the equivalent to 20 miles on the flat.  But still.  Not 20 miles.  I was meant to do 20 miles yesterday but I have a virus.  I'm at my parents so I can be looked after and missing my sisters hen weekend...

I rarely get ill.  It happens when I am exhausted.  Really exhausted.  And I am.  Setting up your own business is fucking hard work especially when no one really gets what you do.

So I'm having to let go of my internal chat of beating myself up for not carrying on for those last 5 miles last weekend so at least I knew I had done 20 miles.

I have questioned a lot over the last few weeks if I should do the marathon.  Can I do it?  Is there a point if I get an even worse time than last time?  And then I think of all the people who have sponsored me.  The reason I am doing it.

I still have 24 days.  That's a long time. I can do one or two 20 mile runs and have a week off before the day.  I will have shifted this virus by Monday.  It's just mind of matter anyways, isn't it?

And then yesterday I was sent this link to a video I was filmed for Bloodwise and it reminded me of all I have done, of all I can do.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbUqoZlfZc4&feature=youtu.be

So I will.

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/KatherineRuane

With love, hope and determination,
XXX