Talking About Me

So last week I spent some time talking about me. I know. I know. My favourite past time. However I do it for others, and that is genuine.

On Thursday night I spoke at an event for Macmillan that they put on to thank people for their support with the worlds biggest coffee morning. Whilst I am often in two minds about this charity because they are so massive and corporate and god knows how much they spend on advertising, they raised a phenomenal amount with this event. And if it does all go into the charity in terms of funding nurses and getting support to those that need it, well, that's fucking brilliant. Macmillan for those of you that don't know wrote me a cheque to pay for my egg freezing for a year when I still had to pay as I couldn't afford it.  (I didn't realise it should have been paid for as part of my cancer treatment. Naughty consultant...). This kept them safe for a year and whilst it was only £200 it was actually priceless. So I do have love for this charity.

Friday I was back at Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research to be filmed for their website. They are doing, which I think is amazing, films on all the blood cancers and people talking about their experience so you can read the question/topic and then watch a little video answer. Brilliant! It's also great as everyone talks about their experience which can be so different to what the consultants/literature you are given tells you. Particularly in my case. No need to start on that though as it's what a lot of this blog is about! It was also nice in a way to talk about everything again and to focus on the good and the bad to remind me of all the good AND I was able to give my business a plug. (By the way special offer Christmas de-stress aromatherapy massage for £60. katie@harleystreetnaturopath.co.uk). I also spoke about the parallel me who is a solicitor working in art fraud. Crazy thinking about that. I wonder what that life is like, where I live, am I happy etc. That life was not meant to be and I don't regret it or mourn for it (most of the time) just curious. But I will never know. I was also told whilst I was there that a lot of the employees know my name as they read this which is nice, so hello! And thank you!

One thing that I do find slightly difficult when I do these things is people telling me I'm an inspiration. I genuinely do not see how I am, especially as I feel I spend a large amount of my time whinging. I just carry on the best way I know, which is the only way I know, which is being me. I don't know if me is different to how I was nearly 8 years ago (8 years, fucking hell, just under a quarter of my life), or if me has changed. Well of course I have changed but I think I deal with things how I have always done. Anyway, I made a decision to carry on and that's all I have done. Just sometimes interesting events pop up that I have to deal with that someone else my age might not have to. So yes. I do find it a bit weird being called an inspiration. Although I'm not saying I don't like it......!

On a whinging energy note, I am fucking exhausted at the moment. I slept for about 11 hours on Wednesday night, spent over 12 hours in bed on Thursday night, slept for about 11 hours on Friday and last night. I felt really awful on Thursday and in fact left the Macmillan event immediately after speaking as I felt so shit.  I'm also sneezy at the moment. Do not want to get ill again. I'm hoping that all the sleeping I'm doing will help be fight off whatever is trying to take a hold.  It just shows me once again that when I try to do too much, which is basically living like a normal person, my body says no. So fucking annoying.

But all in all, at the moment I am doing ok. Went to The Other Art Fair last weekend which was amazing. Mentally spent a lot of money and it was nice to see an artist I follow on twitter, Matt Forster. Did my best to flirt a painting out of him and failed but there is always next time! Going to the theatre tomorrow night and have had lots of hanging out with my niece time and more to come this week. Also my brother is home for Christmas which has made me smile, and lots of potential exciting things with my business and cancer stuff too on the horizon. So other than the tired whinge, which we all know is a recurrent one, things are good.

And. My mother WILL kill me. I have basically decided January 19th, 8 years, is when an angel wing will become permanently with me. Someone sent me this quote from twitter by Emily Dickinson which finalised it.

"'Hope' is the thing with feathers
   That perches in the soul
   And sings the tune without the words
   And never stops- at all"

With love and hope,
XxX

Up and Down

Well my lovely bloglets,

It’s been a while I know.  It’s strange I have so much great stuff going on at the moment but have been feeling a bit meh.  It’s definitely to do with not sleeping enough and I can only blame myself for that.  I suppose also slight money worries. I have had two patients a week for a few weeks which is really good and I’m thrilled about it!  But as it happens with what I do, and part of my ethos is to educate, so I’m no longer needed, the decision was made that enough has been achieved with one for them to carry on alone.  I know I will get more, I’ve only just started, I know I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing,  it’s still a bit daunting.  I’m also writing a weekly nutrition blog post which is amazing and a really good thing for me because it reminds me how much I know, and keeps me looking for new info etc.  If you are interested in me and a Naturoptahic approach to nutrition it’s here: http://theyellowdressproject.wordpress.com/youtrition-with-katie/

And I’m now going to be a bit cheeky and do a me plug – www.harleystreetnaturopath.co.uk    www.facebook.com/harleystreetnaturopath and of course, twitter, @HS_Naturopath. 

So, it’s been a pretty cancer-tastic time recently. I have finally started writing my book/guide thing, so hopefully I can keep working on that writing regularly and get something decent done.  All has gone a bit quiet with the publisher who contacted me, but if I have to find another, I will and just hope that what I write is of interest.

I have been doing more things with Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research.   I don’t know if you remember but I’ve been to a couple of focus groups with them.  They are now expanding into patient experience rather than just research, so of course, being the gobby person that I am, I go and give them my opinion.  Whether they want it or not.  So guess who is being filmed next week?!?  ME!!!!!  Ha ha ha.  I’m so ridiculous.  They are doing films on the different blood cancers and obviously my experience is so important, if not THE most important EVER so I’m going to be on their website talking about it.  Obviously I’m ignoring the fact that I’m not the only one who has been asked….  I went in last week to talk about me, myself and cancer, and as always, when I talk, I’m thrown back and things process.  It’s good.  It’s why I do it.  It needs to be done.  And it’s so amazing that my fucking shitty experiences as well as the amazing can help others.  Talking about the bad can help change that for the good for someone else.  And that’s why I do it.  Not for me.  For others.

I have also been at another interesting focus group thing but I’m not sure how much I am allowed to talk about, so will be annoying and won’t.  I also have the monthly steering committee for the research study I am a part of on Monday.  AND I’m speaking for Macmillan at an event I think on Thursday at a place in Borough Market that basically only does chocolate.  I know.  Amazing.

I also got a bit of rage.  Unsurprising I know.  I saw on Facebook that Facebook and Apple are going to pay for their female employees to have their eggs frozen.  Part of me understands that it’s an amazing thing to be offered and paid for.  Another part of me thinks that it’s fucking outrageous.  I had IVF ( and I can’t actually put into words how grateful I am that that happened and I have my eggs and if I am infertile I can hopefully have my own baby ) as part of my cancer treatment and I had to fucking pay.  It makes me SO angry. Couples who can’t seem to conceive naturally have a go free on the NHS and ….

I do my best not to abuse the NHS and take responsibility for my health and do the best I can for me.  I also don’t want to be taking my drugs and hate that I cost so much.  However, it does upset me a lot that his happened.  But.  Breathe and relax.  It was years ago.  The money borrowed has been paid back.  I have them.  Why should I get angry?  Well.  It’s not fair.  That’s why. 

I have my check up in just over a week and I will hopefully find out if I am able to extend my egg storage or not.  The hospital agreed with me 10 years, and in 2 years, unbelievably, it’s up.  If I can’t extend the freezing then I will be having a baby, fingers crossed, in the next two years.  Which is terrifying, but also maybe what’s meant to happen.  I will also have to negotiate time off treatment as I will want to, if I can, breast feed for at least 3 months.  I don’t know if I will be allowed a year or a year and a bit off treatment.  As I say, this discussion might not to happen yet, but it’s there in the back of my mind. As well as the cost.  Will I have to pay for that part of the IVF as well?

And on a baby note.  My niece.  I am so in love.  I get to see her about once a week and she now smiles at me when she sees me.  Seeing that, I mean, there are no words.  Babies are a little bit of magic. 

In so many ways I am free, I am lucky, I am here.  But my life is not fully my own.  And that is hard.

An angel wing…it’s still with me, I have had a little look at pictures but there hasn't been one that has grabbed me.  Maybe I will get someone to draw one for me.

So as you may be able to see I’m a bit up and down, but in general all is ok, and it will be better after I’ve had a few nights catch up sleep of 11-12 hours.  And apparently I was hungry and didn't know it so have now cheered up immensely!  I love food.

With love and hope,

XXX