Today I had the hospital. It's been a tough week. Tired. Never cope well when I'm like this.
Just before I went into the hospital an email. Last week I found out a guy I was at school with died. Today I found out how.
Cancer.
Last week a funeral.
Cancer.
Today someone from twitter died.
Cancer.
A Facebook update from someone. It's back.
Cancer.
The reason I am tired.
Cancer.
The reason I was at the hospital.
Cancer.
I feel like death and cancer are following me around. I know this is selfish and self-indulgent. I am by no means the only person affected. And in all his honesty don't know these people well.
And then the age old. Why I am I alive, and ignoring those fucking annoying leukaemic cells that won't fuck off and be killed by my own immune system and need chemotherapy to do it, healthy.
Why am I still here when those who didn't smoke, drank less that me and have been healthier than I have been died?
And today someone at the hospital said we are so lucky. I don't feel lucky today.
I am so full of self pity. I hate this.
