Well my lovely Bloglets,
As I have been so shit with this blog for a couple of years now, I thought I'd do a yearly round-up. For those of you who are lovely and care, and to prove I'm still here!
Well fuck me. WHAT A YEAR! 2020. Who would have thought?!? All in all, I can't complain. I'm fine. My friends are fine. My family are fine. I think I had 'Rona but I wasn't very ill. I just had achey legs and was very tired for a few days, but they are my fatigue symptoms anyways, so who knows?!? It was also before everyone who sneezed went to get a test, so I'll never know.
The one arse has been that I was meant to come off treatment in November and can't until Spring. I was so fucked off at the time, but on reflection, it was the right thing to do. It's also given me time to do some functional medicine tests to see what's going on with my hormones at a much deeper level than the NHS blood test, a hair mineral analysis which to be honest I am a bit dubious about. The test did get one thing bang on, but some of it really doesn't represent my lifestyle, and the doctor I had the consultation with didn't take my meds into consideration, so, the jury is very much still out. I have also done a test to look at all the omega ratio's which is interesting and actually reflects my NHS blood cholesterol blood test and also shows me some other stuff so I can help correct things. All of this means that I'm taking 13 different supplements a day, which is costing a fuck tonne. But. I am focused on helping my body after a battering of chemo for the last nearly 14 years, and adult life stress and all the rest of it. And I want to only have one round of IVF next year. So it's worth it. And for those of you who think supplements are bullshit and quackery (as some lovely person said to me on twitter this week before I blocked them), there are GPs and Pharmacists who recommend them. So there.
And on baby stuff, I didn't write about it on here because I wasn't ready for people I know, and potential family members to read it, as I thought I was pregnant a few months ago. I"m pretty sure I was and it just didn't stick, which is so common, which has also given me a kick up the arse with supplements. It is also highly likely that it wasn't me, but the sperm. Did you know that 60% of miscarriages can be due to the sperm, NOT the woman? So men, if you want a baby, and it's not happening most of it can be up to you. So part of me was very sad that I wasn't as it would have made everything so much easier, but it has also given me time to get life shit sorted before starting fertility treatment in the early Spring.
It also still looks like it will be me on my own doing it. I really hope not. I would love it if it happened with the man that I've 'not been in a relationship' for the last nearly 3 years. But if it's not, I'm at peace with that. I will do this regardless. Anyways, I've ranted about this before.
Back to this year. Well I'm still 'not with' the man. He did admit that we are 'seeing each other' not long ago. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And when I got my elephant tattoo, he sent a text to my father saying what is it with girls with tattoos going out with men with vans? (He has one for work). So anyways. Read what you will into that.
So I got my elephant tattoo!!! Managed to get it in between the November and current lockdown. No. It's not tier 4. It's lockdown. For fucks sake. To remind me to be strong and to keep going. As I do. They are my spirit animal. They make me so happy. I don't know why. They just do. They are amazing.
Work has also been good this year. I'm so fucking fed up of seeing most of my clients on zoom rather than in person, but. It has meant that I have had many who I wouldn't ever have seen de to location if it had been in person, so that's a plus.
And my jeans of doom STILL FIT! So I think that's a WIN. Hopefully, they still will next week... I did manage home exercises for about 3 weeks and then life took over and energy levels crashed, so I'll pick that up again...
I'm not going to lie, this year has had its difficulties. Its ups and downs, Going back to my parents for lockdown 1 and not spending it with the man and hound was incredibly hard and hurtful. To be told you aren't wanted and to go back to your parents is not nice. But that was before I mentioned baby stuff and a true end for us if he's not the father. So it's been different since the end of June when I came back to London. As always, I am ever hopeful.
This year has also been a year of lasts. My last birthday on my own, my last Christmas on
my own. My last year being 'the single one' in the family. Because if everything goes my way next year, and it really fucking should after all the shit I've had to deal with in my life. This time next year, I will either be heavily pregnant or with a newborn.
So with love and hope, XxX
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