Another set back

 Well my lovely boglets,

For those of you who follow my IVF-specific blog (www.thehopefulbabydiary.wordpress.com) you will already know this, but I wanted to write on here too.  Although if you can believe it, I'm even more pissed off today than I was when I wrote last night on my other blog.

There's been another bump in the road.  Another hurdle to get over. Another battle to fight. And I'm so fucked off and fed up of it all.

Basically, my fertility funding has been denied because they haven't stated it as an issue with my fertility, because I'm not technically infertile or have a condition like PCOS etc even though I'm doing this because I live with a fucking chronic cancer and only get a year off treatment and it's taken 14 fucking years to get to a point where I can do this.

And the fucking IVF consultant who I saw in the summer who told me he was sure it would be covered didn't actually fucking check or apply for funding like he should have done, so I found this out yesterday.  When I should have known last fucking August.  So I'm lodging a formal complaint against him because once again he didn't do his job.  When I had my eggs frozen under his 'care' 14 years ago he also didn't apply for funding and just put me through as a private patient.  So I'm absolutely LIVID with him about this.  I wish I had recorded that conversation.  And I am SO tempted to name him but I won't.  But I want the GMC to know because he's now at a new hospital so complaining to mine will do sweet fuck all.

ARGHHHHHH.  It would be SO nice if something went my way for a change.  

So I'm feeling very sorry for myself today.  And had an argument with the dogs owner so he can fuck off too.  And I suspect he might read this or my hopeful baby diary blog.  So enjoy reading this is if you are.

Doing this on my own is so much fun.  I know children are expensive but I really hoped I would be going into it without loading up my credit cards and owing around £8,000 if I'm lucky and it's only one round.

It's times like this that I really wish my life was the parallel life that I should have got. That wasn't fucked over by a chronic cancer diagnosis. That meant I did all that I was going to. I met someone in my 20s who wasn't put off by my health and all it entails and not drinking because none of that happened or existed.  That I didn't meet someone so perfect but it could never be because of life stuff and then I met the dogs' owner and thought that finally I might get the happiness that I deserve. Maybe, maybe it's the dogs owner I should be with.  Who doesn't care about my cancer. Who likes the fact that I don't drink. That we share so much in common. That we work together as a couple.  But no.  A big fat solid fucking resounding no.  Because I am destined to be alone and unloved because in so many ways my life is completely and utterly fucked. Because of a non-lifestyle-related genetic mutation that my body couldn't deal with.

I am so fucking tempted to start drinking again.

So yet more FUN TIMES in this life of mine. Not that it's much of a life to be honest.  It's really shit actually.  And I want to bring a child into it. Picking the father from a list on a website.

God I'm so bored of myself and this self-pity. Right. I'm off.  And if you have gotten this far, well done you.  You deserve a reward.